Men and Menstruation
Have you ever been frustrated (and in awe) by the constant ups and downs of your woman?
Women are cyclical beings, it can feel that they are wild, random, unpredictable, and irrational. But the simple truth is, they’re cyclical.
Women are not difficult to map, IF you understand the menstrual cycle.
When men make themselves familiar with the topics of birth and menstruation, the insight brings a level of confidence and calm that is invaluable in the most tense moments of these experiences. Birth is like anything else in life that matters deeply to us; we must educate ourselves and prepare accordingly.
I feel so passionately about normalizing knowledge about the nature of a woman’s cycle that in addition to my work as a Birth Doula, I teach menstruation workshops for women and their teenage daughters. We cover basic physiology of menstruation, cycle tracking, period products, hormonal birth control, and cycle syncing. I organize these workshops like a ‘Girls Night Out’ event during which we socialize, play games, and talk about periods in an open, non-threatening way.
What About Men and Menstruation?
It is such a pleasure to share the truth about our cycles and to explain how useful and integral they are to every area of our life as a woman, but I often walk away from these workshops with the question, “but what about the men?” This knowledge is valuable for them too and could improve their communication and relationships with women.
From my experience working with birth clients and teaching women about their cycles, it seems that the menstrual cycle is often not openly discussed within family circles with men and boys. However, I have noticed that the millennial generation of parents are talking about it more openly with their children. Our culture has maturation programs for grade school boys and girls, but that setting is limited in many ways. My conclusion is that educating and involving the men and boys in the conversation around menstruation will lead to strong, healthy family relationships, and communities.
This motivation has led me to research this topic of Men and Menstruation, I’m curious to know your thoughts and feelings on the matter.
Please participate in this five minute survey to add your perspective.
Because women are cyclical beings, it can feel that they are wild, random, unpredictable, and irrational. But the simple truth is, they’re cyclical. Women are not difficult to map, IF you understand the menstrual cycle. The menstrual cycle is the heart of a woman’s being and drives the monthly hormonal shifts that are constantly in motion. A woman’s hormonal cycle impacts mood, libido, cravings, brain function, communication, etc. A woman’s hormones never “arrive” and maintain a static level at any point; they constantly ebb and flow, so women are quite literally a different person each day of their cycle and need different things.
This may seem a lot to keep track of, but stick with me. I’ll show you a simple map of the menstrual cycle that is predictable and easy to follow. In my experience, learning this information improves intimacy and sexual pleasure within a partnership and minimizes conflict.
A Basic Map of the Menstrual Cycle
The menstrual cycle follows the basic pattern of expansion and contraction. A woman’s hormones are constantly changing throughout her cycle: estrogen builds in preparation for ovulation, progesterone then takes the stage to stabilize the uterine lining, and if there is no fertilized egg, progesterone drops to trigger the menstrual bleed.
A woman’s energy follows a similar cyclical pattern dictated by the ever-changing hormone levels, and this can be explained with the metaphor of comparing the seasons to the cycle.
The menstrual cycle has four phases which follow the seasons: winter, spring, summer, and fall.
The inner seasons a woman cycles through monthly provide a framework much like a blueprint, a map, or bookshelf that gives structure and provides flexibility for her unique cycle. Every woman's cycle is unique; however, they all follow the same framework or blueprint. The basic structure of the menstrual cycle and predictable hormonal patterns serve as a guide for you to relate to your partner and her cyclical rhythm.
Let’s explore the four seasons of the menstrual cycle, what you need to know, and how to support a woman through each phase.
The Four Seasons of the Menstrual Cycle
The menstrual cycle has four phases which follow the seasons: winter, spring, summer, and fall.
A woman’s changing hormones impact just about every system in her body: her brain, immune system, nervous system, and reproductive system (to name a few). For example, her brain changes about 25% throughout her monthly cycle which impacts her moods and preferences, so she is literally wired for different kinds of activities during each phase.
Here is an outline of what’s happening hormonally each season, and how to support a woman during each phase.
Follicular Phase (7-10 Days): Inner Spring
This is the phase that directly follows a woman’s menstruation (AKA bleed time). Estrogen is on the rise, and so is her energy. Her metabolism slows down, so fresh, vibrant, lighter foods are best. Plenty of salads, veggies, lean proteins, sprouted beans, and seeds. I follow Alisa Vitti’s Foods For Your Cycle food chart from her book WomanCode for meal planning for each phase of my cycle.
During the follicular phase, she will most likely feel fresh and ready for new things. This is the ideal time for your woman to dream big, brainstorm, initiate, prepare, plan, research, be curious, set her intention, chart her strategy, clarify her vision, and fill in her planner with what she wants to accomplish in the coming weeks. Creativity is her strength during this phase. She also has rising energy, so this is a good time for her to tackle her most challenging tasks.
How You Can Support Her
Keep this Foods For Your Cycle chart handy for food ideas if you are on dinner duty. Knowing what phase of her cycle she is in will tell you exactly how to nourish her body with the nutrients to best support her hormone balance and mood stability.
Plan a date/outing to a new place, visit a museum, hike a new trail, etc. A woman is primed for new experiences during the follicular phase, and experiencing it together will bring you closer together.
Ask her big picture questions about projects she wants to accomplish,how you can support her, and what she envisions for herself and your family for the next month or so.
Sexually, she’ll most likely be up for something new, so try a new position, move, game, toy, etc. Plan something in advance to surprise her. Be aware that this is a dry time for her, so use extra lube and foreplay to get her primed for activity.
Ovulatory Phase (4-6 Days): Inner Summer
Estrogen, as well as testosterone, peaks during this phase and makes a woman magnetic and on top of her game. Biologically, a woman is looking for a mate because she is ovulating, so it makes sense that she would be her most attractive, appealing self.
During this phase, filling up with fresh raw veggies and fruit will best support a woman’s body. Because estrogen peaks, the fiber in her food will support estrogen metabolism to avoid PMS symptoms post ovulation.
A woman will most likely have the most energy during this phase, her specific strengths are communication and collaboration. This is the ideal time for a woman to socialize, talk about projects she’s working on, pitch ideas, be seen, collaborate with others, go on dates, have important conversations, go to lunch with girlfriends, host a party, and connect with others.
How You Can Support Her
This is a great time to plan social events with friends, host or attend a party together, go out with other people, and spend time bonding and socializing.
Talk about your long term goals, as individuals, as a couple, and for your family. Where do you want to be five, ten, twenty years from now?
Sexually, she will most likely be her most orgasmic, so enjoy and follow her lead as she tells you exactly how to pleasure her.
Luteal Phase (10-14 Days): Inner Fall
Progesterone is high which maintains a woman’s uterine lining in the event a fertilized egg is implanting in her uterus. Her metabolism increases during this phase, so her body needs more calories. Nutrient dense foods and foods with B vitamins, calcium, magnesium, and high fiber will help her to curb cravings and stabilize her blood sugar and moods during this phase.
This is the “get it done” phase. A woman’s strength during this phase is bringing things to completion. This is the ideal time for her to finish projects, attend to administrative tasks at home or at the office, check things off her list, accomplish her goals (that she set up during her follicular phase), attend to your home, perform detail-oriented tasks, do her deep work, deep cleaning, and celebrate that she is a productive powerhouse.
During the first week of a woman’s luteal phase, estrogen and testosterone are still high. During the second week of this phase estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone begin to decline which leads to the rise of PMS symptoms and fragile moods IF hormones are imbalanced.
Estrogen acts as a “social lubricant” making it easier for a woman to let things roll off her back when estrogen levels are high. As estrogen declines, it is easier to see what’s not working and it irritates her. It may seem like a woman explodes over miniscule things during this phase, and rationally, that’s fair. However, this is a representation of longer term feelings a woman has held in, and the luteal phase has simply brought them up so she can evaluate them and make changes in her life. This process is part of the larger purpose of the menstrual cycle, so a woman can make course corrections for her life in a productive way. She may or may not be aware of this and use it to her advantage, so you may simply be the recipient of her own frustrations especially if her hormones are not balanced. If so, be patient, compassionate, and curious.
But here’s the thing, when a woman nourishes and attends to her body during the phases leading up to this week and is supported in doing so, PMS symptoms diminish and disappear. This is good news for you and the rest of the household because we all know, “when mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”
How You Can Support Her
Use this phase as a monthly check in with your relationship. Talk about what’s working and what’s not, and then make a plan to work on improving one thing at a time.
Complete domestic tasks, i.e. cleaning, budgeting, organizing together to enhance your bonding experience.
Sexually, the first week of this phase is similar to the ovulatory phase, but as hormones decline in the second week, so will her sex drive. Slow down and enjoy lots of foreplay with extra lubricant.
If her PMS symptoms are extreme, suggest she reach out to me at meredith@salubriouswoman.com and read WomanCode by Alisa Vitti and Wild Power by Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer.
Menstrual Phase (4-7 Days): Inner Winter
This is the phase that a woman’s uterus sheds its lining and a woman bleeds. A woman’s hormones and energy levels are at their lowest point during this phase which makes it the ideal time for her to rest and reflect. During this phase, she ought to focus on protein and healthy fats to stabilize her energy levels and mood while her brain adjusts to the decline in hormones. Proteins and healthy fats can also set a woman up for a healthy ovulation next month because the amino acids contribute to hormone synthesis, and the fats increase egg and embryo quality.
A woman’s strengths during this phase are evaluation and intuition. This is the ideal time for a woman to rest, relax, and reflect on the last month. How did things go? Is she still happy working at her job or business? It’s the time for her to reflect on, celebrate, and evaluate each area of her life.
The two sides of a woman’s brain are the most open during this phase, so she is the most connected spiritually to listen to her intuition and receive inspiration to guide her life and her family.
This is her time to come home to herself, claim her space, and direct what’s next for her.
Rest and reflection are a vital part of the creative process, so it’s important for her to NOT skip this step! This is the phase of her cycle when she literally refuels so that she can drive the next leg of her journey. She risks her health and happiness for the next month if she skimps on taking care of herself during her menstrual time because she will run out of gas.
How You Can Support Her
Pick up additional domestic responsibilities to provide her some quiet time alone.
Sexually, follow her lead. Some women enjoy period sex while others do not. However period sex has been shown to reduce cramping, stress, and menstrual discomfort. Go slow and use extra lubricant, this is a dry phase, contrary to what you might think.
In summary, women are cyclical and therefore predictable; the menstrual cycle follows the seasons, spring, summer, winter and fall; and your growing understanding will give you the confidence to support the woman/women you care most about in your life.
I want to acknowledge that what I have described above for each of the four seasons is a blueprint for the menstrual cycle, but the most important map to follow is your partner’s own experience of her cycle, it trumps anything I have shared above.